ratpag Gets Desperate; Jumps the Gun on Material

ratpag has a big weekly series planned for sometime in the next 6 – 8 weeks and, despite such grandiose ideas, ratpag somehow forgot to think of ideas for the next 6 – 8 hours.  You run an advocacy group dedicated solely to public transportation!

Anyway, we jumped the gun preview our upcoming Anti-Work week series with a work-related link dump:

Your New Jersey correspondent was just putting the finishing touches on a very serious story about the dangers of oil trains, when he received the call from the ratpag main office:  We are running a special series about work.  Write a story about that!

So, here are five ways the rail and transit system can help you at your job:

1.  Apps that alert you to train delays can help you make up an excuse for being late to work.  In the morning do you want to finish watching a TV show or do you want to go out to eat breakfast?  What will the boss say if you arrive at work late with no excuse?  Well, luckily, rail-and-transit systems sent out alerts with excuses for why you were late.  When you’re running late, just look to your phone and pick the rail and transit delay that gives you the best excuse.  I would have been here on time, but the Silver Line was testing.  OR  I was so close to being on-time, but a brush fire delayed my train.  OR, if you just need a general excuse to be late, without a specific reason:  I’m on the way, but the Number 2 train was too crowded.

2.  The train schedule gives you a deadline for when you need to leave work.  No one likes to stay at work longer than he or she has to.  Well, just say that your train is about to leave, and you must leave NOW.  Make sure to pick a line that has infrequent service, like the VRE.  If you’re taking the VRE out to Manassas, you have a perfect excuse for leaving work before 6:50 every day.

3. If you leave early, you can tell people you will “work on the train.”  No one works on the train, especially the train ride home.  Your correspondent has observed that most people are engrossed in their smartphones, and some who haven’t adapted to new technology seem to read books, magazines, or newspapers.  And, of course, mixed in with all that, people are getting drunk.  But, don’t worry about that, tell your non-transit-riding boss that you’ll keep working during your commute:  Just get out of the office, and put off the work till you get back!

4.  Take rail or transit far away from your office.  Sometimes more drastic action is needed, and you need to get far away from your office.  Luckily, the rail-and-transit system can help you with that.  Amtrak can take you almost anywhere in the country.  And, if your job doesn’t pay well, you can take a low cost express bus service to somewhere where your boss can’t find you.

5.  Quit your job and work for a rail or transit agency.  Perhaps the best way to make your job better is to work somewhere else.  Have you considered working for a rail-or-transit agency?  We imagine it would be fun to work for Amtrak, or maybe for a metropolitan agency like BART.  Or, maybe a more localized railroad like the VRE or a statewide agency like New Jersey Transit.

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