ratpag’s LIRR Strike Preparation Guide

simpsons 3 last exit

With only 9 days to go until the LIRR strike, we want our readers on the Island to be ready.  Of course, we recommend that you go out and help the workers fight fiscal-conservative Governor Cuomo’s attack on organized labor but, if you must get to work in Manhattan, we present four tips to survive the LIRR strike of 2014.

1.  Move off Long Island.  This is the most obvious solution – strike or not – and it’s a little surprising that you still live there in the first place.  Just move into the City or to another suburb in New Jersey or somewhere upstate.  If you do decide to move into NYC, finding a job here is one of the hardest parts of that endeavor but, if you’re commuting on the LIRR, you’ve already accomplished that!  [Editor’s note:  If you do live on Long Island and have a job, might we suggest quitting?]

2.  Stay home and telework.  Teleworking is obviously a joke but maybe you can trick your boss for a day or two (our friends in Georgia say that if people ridicule you for teleworking you should “respond to negative comments by being positive and educating others on all that you were able to accomplish by teleworking”).

[Editor’s note:  Sorry, couldn’t resist – when your ratpag editor had a “real job” that offered teleworking he estimates that his productivity increased by at least 50% when working outside the office.  Of course, this is likely an increase from 1 hour to 1.5 hours but an increase is an increase!  Feeling full of yourself?  Despite being a transportation site, be prepared for much more discussion on the stupidity of 40 hour work weeks in the future.]

The weather will probably be nice for one of the strike days so you should just say you’re teleworking and head to the beach.  As long as you don’t work for Yahoo, teleworking may be your best option.

3.  Take the bus.  The LIRR has a plan to implement emergency bus service that may be able to handle one third of the normal train passengers.  So, if you really do have to go into Manhattan, this may be your best option.  People ride the bus in such diverse places as New Jersey, West Virginia, and Vermont!  By riding the bus you’d be able to experience how people live in other states.

4.  Do not drive into the City.  If you live on Long Island, you obviously have a car and the MTA is ready to pay $12,000 a day to set up park-and-ride lots at Citi Field and Aqueduct Racetrack – but you shouldn’t use them.  First, it’s almost guaranteed that you’ll get stuck in traffic on jammed-up Long Island highways and, second, you might be tempted to drive into Manhattan, which is always a bad idea.  In Manhattan, you’d have to figure out all the parking regulations and, in an emergency situation, carpool rules may also slow you down.

In any case, if the strike does happen, we can’t say The Onion didn’t warn us four years ago of the pros and cons of living in the New York City metro area.

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