We here at ratpag are nothing if not unapologetic (is that a triple negative?). It’s just not in our DNA – not what made ratpag great – to apologize and so we here do not apologize for missing our Sunday Evening Edition on account of it being a quasi-nice day, for once, here in New York City.
With that out of the way – we also have little prepared for our Monday morning edition on account of the quasi-nice day, for once, in New York City and, so, we dig deep into our reservoirs to post what was likely inspired by sheer, utter boredom of our DC correspondent (not to take away from the fact that much of our content is spawned from such similar conditions).
And so, our Sunday Evening Edition, some 12 to 14 hours late:
ratpag Thinks Big: The “FUTURE” of Train Travel
When one of ratpag’s peer media outlets broke this story about airport pampering, this DC correspondent could not contain a similarly spectacular idea that had been brewing ever since his first ride on commuter rail. Like many of us at ratpag (and transit organizations nationwide), this DC correspondent is looking for the money tree [Editor’s note: Your ratpag editor once actually owned a money tree such as that until, despite containing no actual money, it was stolen. Who was it stolen by? A ratpag co-founder.] but, perhaps through sheer laziness, has instead decided a blog post would be the easier route to developing that idea himself.
So here it is – a big debut idea for the future of ratpag that could revolutionize the way we ride the rails: the Spa & Fitness Rail Car. [Editor’s note: Stay with us here…] Many commuters spend an hour or more riding the rails to and from work each day, so why not spend that hour getting pampered on the spa car? Maybe a mani or pedi on the way to work to relax? Take a spin on the stationary bike on the way home? [Editor’s note: Now just hold on a minute – there have been crackpot-ier ideas. Do we need to refer you to some of the actual, burgeoning businesses at last week’s New York TechDay?]
Clearly services would have to be tailored for the train – we would never want passengers falling off treadmills at sudden station stops or getting one too many eyebrows plucked by someone not trained in rail motion.
Who knows, maybe if the Spa & Fitness Rail Car were implemented on Amtrak, people would have to buy food and drink post-workout and support the suffering dining service!
So the closest ratpag’s editors could find to such luxury as the Spa & Fitness Rail Car is this:
To be fair – that only appears to be a baby grand and not a full-sized grand piano. But ceiling fans?! In any case, unless ratpag is invited via mistaken identity or enters with a dynamite vest and a list of demands, we won’t be seeing the inside of any of these cars – real or imagined – in our lifetimes. But at least we’ve still got an available, affordable train at our disposal day and night!
Excuse us while we go drown our sorrows in a Bud Light.