ratpag had a big day yesterday as more eyes than ever were laid upon our witty banter and, at times, serious and meaningful moments of learning and reflection. Over three-quarters of those eyes were Canadian – successfully drawn into our ploy for increased “international” readership – as they gobbled up the chum strewn about by us in the form of The Greatest Conference Paper Ever Written.
Now that we’ve conquered North America (the important parts, anyway) we feel it would be best to humble ourselves lest we get a big head and lose our way. And so we open up our mailbag once again and filter through the surprising quantity of hate mail that we’ve accumulated the past several weeks…
Our first letter comes to us from Satchel who simply located himself as from “the internet”:
ratpag – I don’t think you really have “correspondents” anywhere. I think you are really just some looser sitting in his parents basement or maybe even homeless trying to get the government to pay for more buses because you can’t afford a car. STOP making stupid posts acting like I should have to pay for a way for you to go to the welfare office, free clinic, needle exchange, etc. and get a life. I have three jobs and you don’t seem to have any. When was the last time you even paid any taxes? In conclusion – get a life.
Satchel from “the internet”
Well that was certainly enlightening, Satchel. We assure you that we do have correspondents – several of them, in fact – and that we will be featuring more of their hard-hitting content next week. We’re not totally sure why you choose to view a website titled “Rail and Transit Progress Advocacy Group” when you seemingly have nothing but disdain for rail and transit. Are you in prison and only have access to one website? Is your “dot” key broken?
ratpag already feels a bit more humble after that. Our next letter comes from our friends at NAARP, who wrote a guest op-ed one month ago today:
I thought we told you to cease and desist all pro-public transportation and train propaganda and to buy a car and get a life. What happened? Didn’t think we were serious?
You probably think you’re hot stuff with your fancy new website name well I have news for you: no one gives a shit!!! You think you’re so high and mighty and clever but you’re not. I know how you idiots think – you probably got a hard on when you saw a subway ad about new Bud Light bottles because you thought it’d be sooooo funny to write about. Well here it is:
Ha ha ha. So you think a beer company bragging about a twist-off cap is really funny. Well guess what? It’s not!!! We at NAARP like Bud Light – love it – and will be god damned if we let you sit in your ivory tower and make fun of something we would die for.
So consider this strike two, ratpag. NAARP is warning you (again): stop all discussion of rail and transit and Bud Light. We are actively working now to geolocate all supposed ratpag editors and contributors for the likely (because you are dumb) chance that you will continue to ignore us. You have been warned.
ratpag now has to go and rewrite our planned Sunday post. Thank you, NAARP.
And finally, as ratpag is feeling quite humbled, our last letter comes to us from Jhonathyn in Los Gatos, CA:
I don’t get you. You use the internet and seem to want improvements in transit yet you constantly belittle the efforts of innovators and technology experts alike (in Silicon Valley in particular). Don’t you realize that we’re trying to change the world (just like you claim to be doing)? I think you should become more enlightened – buy an app, loosen your mobile data privacy standards, play Candy Crush or 2048 and see what the rest of the world is experiencing! I think I speak for everyone here in the Valley in saying that we’re all little paradigms out there just waiting to be shifted – are you with us?
Los Gatos, CA
Jhonathyn, we took your advice to heart. We here at ratpag are open-minded and frighteningly insecure and, so, we went to New York TechDay 2014 to see if, perhaps, we’ve been a bit harsh on a certain mentality that permeates some of the tech sector persuasion. We’re serious! Here’s our used wristband:
We showed up at the conference a bit late – it closed about 20 minutes after our arrival – but we’re pretty sure we got the gist of it. ratpag was given a glass of champagne that we presume was worth less than $20 and, so, we will not be recording it as a taxable gift. We made our way through, stopping by startups such as Exec (“A platform for easily booking maids”) and Chloe + Isabel (“A lifestyle brand empowering the next generation of entrepreneurs through social retail”), and had to take a break. This was a lot to take in.
So many apps. So many dropped vowels. So many names that ended in “-io”. ratpag needed a Bud Light. We dropped our head and made our way for the door but were cut off by something called Liquor Box. “We deliver booze right to your door.” Sold.
You proved us wrong, Jhonathyn. The world is changing. ratpag has been thoroughly humbled.