The Hyperloop Is Dead – We’re Moving On To Floating, Magnetic Tubes

We were slogging through yet another dense, inane, somewhat indecipherable report (that being this article from the Fresno Bee discussing California High-Speed Rail) regarding the nearly vertical uphill slope rail and transit development faces in the U.S. when we decided we’d had enough.  We give up.  ratpag is no more.

We slowly and deliberately soaked old rags in paint varnish and inserted them on the underside of various pieces of office equipment before emptying all waste baskets in the center of the room and clogging each sprinkler with putty.  I drew the short straw and was placed in charge of lighting the 90-second fuse that would end this foolish experiment.  Just as I raised my hand to strike the match in the vapor-filled room another ratpagger yelled “wait!  There is hope for us still.”  And that hope is in the form of Evacuated Tubes Transport Technology (ET3):

Let that sink in for a minute.

OK, this 42-second video explains things with a few more words and description though substantially less panache:

We’re on board.  The technology, envisioned by a man named Daryl Oster, sees a future with “a planetary network capable of speeding a passenger from New York to Beijing in two hours” – something much more bold than Elon Musk’s Hyperloop routes of no more than 900 miles.  And not only would passengers be treated to speeds of 4,000 miles per hour but they’ll be able to do so for only $100 – round trip!

Now, we may be coming off a bit haughty.  We don’t mean to.  Considering a flight over such a distance would normally take some 14 hours and $1,200 we welcome the sort of innovation that would allow for such cheap and swift travel.  You’ve dragged ratpag out of its darkest depths, ET3, and for that we thank you.

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